


I hate you.

by chanduke



Category: Heathers (1988), Heathers: The Musical - Murphy & O'Keefe
Genre: F/F, Lots of Crying, MAJOR TW, Mentions of Suicide, chandler cries?, im so sorry, we love a sad sister
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-27
Updated: 2018-05-27
Packaged: 2019-05-14 06:26:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 829
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14764358
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chanduke/pseuds/chanduke
Summary: i hope you had fun. I know i didn’t. also i didn’t proofread this so i’m sorry in advanced if there’s mistakes





	I hate you.

She just wished this was all just a bad dream. That this didn’t hurt. But it hurt so bad. Everything hurt. Everything reminded her of her, and every time she heard one of their songs it feels like a stab in her chest. Everything was just a painful reminder of how she left. 

She wish she would come back. She wished she could hold her one last time and pretend like everything was ok. She wished she could hold her and ignore the fucking hateful world they lived in. She wished it didn’t happen at all. 

She could barely sleep because she was always crying, and she never cried. Her eyes were clouded with tears, dozens streaking her cheeks. Her lazy attempt at makeup all washed away with the wave of water trickling down from her deep brown eyes. 

She could only wish everything would just go back to the way it was. She tried to forgive her and she tried to make it ok but it’s wasn’t fucking ok. 

She didn’t think she’d ever do this to her. She told her she’d never fucking do this to her. She’d always told her it was bad, but she never said it was /this/ bad. She told her she’d been taking medication. She told her that she’d be ok. 

She wished she could just move on and pretend like this never happened. She wished she could just find someone else and not tear up every time someone asked what happened. She wished she could stop crying and go somewhere like she would’ve wanted her to. 

She wished the words they’d said could leave her mind but it wasn’t that easy. She wished she could hold her one last time and try and help her but if wasn’t that easy. 

She held that stupid scrapbook Mac insisted they’d make one drunken night. There were so many pictures. So many memories. So many lost opportunities. All she wanted was to be with her. And now she couldn’t because she was fucking dead and there was nothing she could do to save her. 

The cover of the book was now stained with tears, the water mixing in with the ink to cause everything to spread and become muddy. There were flowers and ribbons and glitter and poems and pictures. It was everything Mac loved. Loved. 

She grabbed a photo that was peeking out of the book, pulling it out slowly in hopes it wouldn’t rip. She placed it atop the cover of the book, her hand slapping on top of her mouth and her eyes slamming shut. 

It was a polaroid taken on Chandler’s 18th birthday. The most extravagant party she’d ever thrown was behind her, balloons and streamers and a huge cake. Right in the center of the photo stood Chandler and McNamara, the taller girl standing behind the smaller one, arms wrapped around her waist. 

Chandler had one of the most genuine smiles she’d ever given, wide and bright. All her cares were gone. All her insecurities and stress was gone. All she cared about was the short girl in a yellow sundress who held onto the taller arms like it would save her life. It didn’t save her life. 

Ever since the night in the very room Chandler was in, her life had changed. The first night they were together was magic in and of itself. Chandler felt free. She felt happy. She felt loved. 

Chandler had always been loveless. Her family was never around. Everyone she’d dated was for sheer power. She’d never been happy with one person. That was, until she’d met McNamara. 

Whenever Chandler was with McNamara, she was happy. She made so many memories with her. She was always by her side, making sure she was the happiest she could be. 

Chandler helped McNamara. She made McNamara feel safe and happy and brighter than she’d been with anyone else. They’d hold each other and reassure each other. They were each other’s home. 

It was two weeks ago since they’d told her. It had been two weeks of Chandler crying and screaming and begging for this to be fake. But nothing about this was fake. The note wasn’t fake. The funeral wasn’t fake. The call wasn’t fake. Nothing was fake. 

Chandler didn’t expect for Mac to go so soon. She didn’t expect her to finally give out and go. She didn’t expect her to end it all when she was almost out of high school. 

Chandler grabbed the book that still sat in her lap and stared at it for a moment. Without thinking, she threw the book at the wall as hard as she could. Her breathing got harder and her tears rushed faster. 

“I hate you Heather McNamara,” Chandler said, her words almost coming out as a whisper. “I fucking hate you!” Her voice now boomed. “I hate you for fucking leaving me! Why the fuck would you leave me?”

“Why would you leave me.”

**Author's Note:**

> i hope you had fun. I know i didn’t. also i didn’t proofread this so i’m sorry in advanced if there’s mistakes


End file.
